Cost of Love: $150 USD

i actually *hissssssss* went out shopping today...

it was totally unplanned. i called dad, we went for coffee, and then, he left, and i went to the bookstore. and then the half-price bookstore. and then a different coffee store, after a quick jaunt through a very catholic jewelry store.

my father, continues to be a hypocrite (sort of) and a shrink rather than a father or friend. whatever. thanksgiving was actually an extremely pleasant day. it was lovely. it was great. and i really am in a much better mood what with having a job and all that jazz. i have a purpose, even if its shallow and temporary. we'll take it. let's go.

anywhoo... i don't want to dwell, but i don't tend to ask my dad for much. well, not much in the way of material goods. last christmas, i was so shell-shocked after my semester in grad school that all i wanted was for my life to be a happy place again. you can't box that and put it under a tree. anyway, my m.o. is to let things slide most of the time, and every once in a while, ask for something slightly large-ish. which my siblings do all the time (ask for something large-ish, that is) and dad usually obliges. brother gets video-game systems and electronics. sister gets... whatever it is that sister asks for. neither is shy about it.

so it irks me when i finally decide to ask dad to get me a korean drum for christmas (which he had offered to do before, mind you. i just took a little time choosing to take him up on it.) and then get the old "hem and haw" when i tell him the price ($300-$350). its not that he won't do it. its not even that its really not that much money to spend on me, compared to the other kids. its that i can't ask him for anything without getting the old "well, gracious, i'm not sure my old pocketbook can handle it..." which is bullshit, because he's more comfortable now than he has been in YEARS, and he and wife are looking to make another slew of home improvements. clearly, the money isn't the issue. apparently, making me feel like a greedy s.o.b. for asking is. whatever. he's an ass. i don't care.

but the point of this post, is warm fuzzy feelings. i don't have them often. no really, it's true! but i stepped into the bookstore today after the generally pleasant coffee date with dad, and they had the "calvin and hobbes" complete treasury again. and its $150 USD, again. but looking at it, and seeing even just the front cover of calvin laughing with hobbes, beautifully hand water-colored by watterson...

there should be more things in the world that make me feel like i felt after seeing that. there should be more things that are as good and decent, as comforting and inspiring and admirable, as calvin and hobbes.

the grouchy old coots at my favorite aa meetings would often say: "i didn't get sober just to be miserable!"

i think i need to remember that i didn't either.