Musings on That Whole "Gay" Thing

no, not that gay thing; the other one. to the left... little more... next to the, yeah, that gay thing.

go ahead and bring that thing over here. i wanna muse over it a little bit.

musings on that whole gay thing...

you know, i keep wanting to make a point about the gayness, and the gay-e-ti. about my own, inherent FAH-bulousness. (cue glitter!)

yes, in case you missed the earlier mention, and are, in fact, headless, i am gay. i suppose. still don't like that word... i like the dudes. there. i like that better. i am a dude, who enjoys the "company," of other dudes. in this definition, "company" can actually include a wide variety of activities, up to and including re-enacting major light-saber battles from all six Star Wars films with the help of a dimmer switch and a couple of glow-in-the-dark condoms. muse on that one a minute, all would-be suitors. when you belong to me, i might ask for some luke on darth action, and i really do expect you to comply.

anyway, all kidding aside (suitors... i swear, where do i come UP with this stuff?) i'm here to talk to you today about how gay people are really not just like you, aside from all the scissoring and anal penetration.

and before you start reading all sorts of "self-loathing" into my dislike of the term gay, which is of course there a little bit (what, i'm an equal-opportunity self-loather. no part of me gets overlooked.) mostly, i like to sit back saying nothing and watch other people be confused and make idiots of themselves. but look. i'm being all honest and open with you, and making myself vulnerable by arming you with some "truth" to sling around. don't hurt yourself though. i've seen people shoot their eye out with the truth; they didn't even know it was loaded, apparently.

gay people are really not your differently-wired counterparts. i know that so much of the current argument for acceptance or tolerance, or marriage, or adoption rights, is rooted in the continuing battle to prove to the "impartial" straight arbiters (notice the sarcasm quotes there... you're straight, you can't be impartial. neither can i; i'm gay.) that gays, lesbians, bisexuals (dirty, dirty bisexuals, who want it both ways, just like someone born on a zodiacal cusp... dirty, dirty cuspies...), transexuals, transgendereds, and general all around non-normative (discussion of term "normal" to follow...) sexualities are as fit to wed, mother, father, raise, live without fear, love jesus, just fucking EXIST, really, as all you breeders.

it really does boggle the mind...

and i am not, NOT, an advocate of jesus, thankyouverymuch. i'm just sayin', there seems to be a little friction between the gays and the jesus freaks. just a smidge.

little bit.

we are not just like you. we can't be. in fact, you're not even just like you. the whole fiction of "normalcy" is such a farce... have you ever met another straight person whose family was just like yours? no. no, you really haven't. its like the douglas coupland book, "All Families are Psychotic." its like the book, because its true. everyone has their own "hella-crazy" to deal with. sexual abuse, violence, illness, divorce, love with strings attached, no love at all, death, the list goes on forever, with endless permutations and exceptions to the rules. and so do humans. six and a half billion people, all with their own unique story to tell; quiet heartaches and major upheavals, and endless quests on all sides to see if you really can record the sound of a heart breaking.

and this is not an argument that sexuality is behavioral rather than genetic.

which illustrates another point.

someone on my dating site slash perpetual pain in the ass and underscorer of my loneliness, was wondering what the point of "gay pride" is. how is one expected to be proud of some inborn trait that they had no control over in the first place? the short answer, in my opinion, is that when society teaches you to hate yourself; when society teaches you that your place is as a subject of mockery and derision; when you are relegated to the outside, only allowed to look in and never actually reach for what you want and everyone else has... well, you need to really cultivate a rich sense of self-worth, or you're not gonna make it for long. "pride" might seem like an extreme, but in the end, the two extremes might balance out. maybe.

and we can take a moment, just a moment, to reread the above, and think about how many queer kids have no support network, because they feel alone in their secret, or their own family has rejected them. we can think about how many queer kids run away from home, commit suicide, or turn to alcohol and drugs in a vain attempt to cope. numbers much higher than their straight counterparts.

to carry the weight of a secret, all by yourself, it can crush you. its too much.

on the other hand, i live in an optimistic time. acceptance and tolerance are growing. and the gay community is ever-present. and gay culture is... there. alive and dancing, because alive and kicking is really so pedestrian...

and as long as they never actually find the "gay gene," since it seems to exist, (or the gay genes, since its likely a trait that requires multiple switches to be flipped) well, that means that parents-to-be won't be able to have their children tested for "gay" early in the pregnancy, and then turned staight by hormone therapy. because for some people, eradication is the only solution, as though we were polio or spinal meningitis. and however long it takes, those alleles will be found. and i worry about the future.

i'm really so cheery...