Anger

anger feels really, really good.

scratch that. not all the time. well... here. anger unfortunately can cause us to do things that are not in our own best interest.

but being angry, and releasing that anger in any sort of constructive (or at least non-destructive) fashion, feels fucking amazing.

i had an anger-gasm today. it was good. it was real good. i realized what a fucking knot i've been tied in over this "thirty percent body fat, hypo-thyroid condition" bullshit that i've been hit with. and i spent the day letting myself feel really, really, really angry. and i spent my evening trying to describe to mom just how fucking insanely irritated, irate, livid, depressed, frustrated, and pissed the fuck off i am about it all. and then i ate dinner.

now, i'm feeling much more relaxed. i'm feeling tired, and better. i'm basking in the afterglow of having successfully started dealing with an extremely intense emotion. sighhhhh... it feels good.

i don't know if i'm done being angry about this. my guess is no. but for the moment, i feel really nicely cleaned out and hollowed, like i've let a hot wind blow through me, and scour out my insides, and now i'm all warm and clean.

and the best part is, for the most part, i didn't upset anyone else for the sole reason of spreading the misery.

nor did i eat a whole bunch of crap in order to take revenge on my body.

hey look! progress!