The Danger of Being Right

sometimes, you make ridiculous assumptions about people right after meeting them. i've found i can't avoid doing this. i can't stop it. i'm on intuitive, vibe-sensing, personality-typing overdrive, and the brakes DO NOT work. i've tried to temper this by with-holding judgement, or for those of you who argue "what you just described IS judgement!" i try not to let my conclusions completely color how i interact with that person.

because you can make someone into who you think they are if you treat them a certain way. its a self-fulfilling prophecy.

i also try to be open to being wrong. it happens. i've had to reverse positions. and i hate it, but i mean, what am i gonna do? some battles, you've just gotta wave the white flag for.

but unfortunately from a "he'll learn someday" standpoint, my first responses are often fairly accurate. and sometimes, that's rather sad. sad that i'm accurate, and sad that people can be the ways they are. of course, i have a story to illustrate this whole thing, and like most of my stories these days, it occurs at work:

we've been severely understaffed for like, months. so i'm ecstatic that we've recently hired three new baristas. they're all in training right now. two are younger and seem just fine. one, A., is a little older, and we're going to pick on him.

A. is like, late twenties or early thirties. he's shortish (or average height, probably. skewed height perception on my part...) hispanic, and has a very upbeat and positive demeanor. like, dude is cheery. way cheery. and i'm sorry, but there's a certain kind of cheeriness that immediately puts me on edge, and makes me suspicious. maybe its just my general paranoia. maybe its unfair to distrust happy people. i don't care. A. seemed suspicious. threat level jumped to orange, and information gathering went into overdrive.

the day after meeting A., he had a long training session while i was at the store. while he was working with someone, i made a joke to someone dealing with the fact that i'm jewish. only that someone was sort of far away, so i made the joke sort of loudly. A. was all interested. "you're jewish? wow!" i see him talk to my store manager for a second, they point at me, and she nods. jew-ness confirmed. later that day, A. was next to me while i was at bar, and made some further inquiries.

"have you ever been to israel?"

"no. i was supposed to go this summer, but it didn't work out."

"ahh. i went just recently with my church. it was amazing! it was really something! have you heard of CUFI? they're the organization i went with."

"oh... no, i haven't heard of CUFI. what's that?"

"oh! Christians United For Israel. its great! what they do is, there are a lot of jews in parts of europe and africa that are really poor, and so CUFI basically gives them money to move to israel, and teaches them how to live in society. its amazing to see!"

at this point, several things have been confirmed; A. is indeed cheery, because he's full of the jebus. and he's apparently part of one of those "end time" organizations that needs jews to live in israel, and israel to remain whole and unpartitioned, so that things are ripe for the rapture, the reckoning, and all that fun creepy new testament cult stuff. y'know, when all the jews will either have to convert to fundamentalist christianity, or go to hell. the conversation is definitely on dangerous ground, if only because i'm unable to say ANYTHING that reveals my own positions on all this. i'm not giving A. ANY sort of an opening. fuck, the fuck, no.

"i see... what church do you go to?"

"oh! pastor hagee, up at cornerstone? you know him?"

oh yes. yes, i know him. know of him rather. and yes, that's the same pastor hagee who, if you follow the news, was getting john mccain in trouble because they were all buddy buddy, only news organizations got ahold of the fact that hagee called the catholic church "the great whore," blamed hurricane katrina on all the gays gathering in new orleans for southern decadence, and said that the holocaust was basically sort of a good thing, because it ensured the creation of israel and the return of jews to the promised land (again, a necessary event for end time proceedings).

"yeah... i know the place."

"yeah. a lot of jews are really excited about what CUFI and cornerstone are doing! a bunch of orthodox jews aren't too thrilled, but a lot of more moderate, mainstream jews are really with us!"

"hmm..."

at this point, i'm sort of sadly resigned to the fact that A. is going to be one of those people at work who i just have to be on friendly professional terms with, and have absolutely no meaningful contact with whatsoever. i'm also biting my tongue to keep from asking him how CUFI feels about iran. y'know... cuz i don't want to get fired...

because while A. thinks this is all information that will make me like him, i actually get nauseous thinking about the unholy union of fundamentalist christians and politically pragmatic jews united to keep israel safe, but for completely different reasons, and with both simply betting the other group's theology is wrong. i think its ugly, and i think unquestioned support of israel, particularly in the face of its relationship with palestinian refugees, is a simplistic and (perhaps unintentionally) cruel foreign policy.

i tell A. that "you can't win 'em all," in order to wrap up the conversation. but i'm left feeling sad that my hunch was pretty much correct. and also feeling sad that i'm in no position to actually have a discussion with A. about all this. partly because we're in a work environment, and if he keeps pursuing this line of conversation i'm eventually going to have to politely shut him down, just because it really isn't workplace appropriate, and also because i don't want to hear about it. the other issue is, in my experience, talking with people like A., or who have beliefs like A.'s, is a fruitless venture. they have their answers, they know their truth, and anything you say will meet with rebuttal and a fresh sally on your own views, whatever they may be.

and granted, i'm just as unflinching in my own political and spiritual beliefs as A. i will never "come around," because i find fundamentalist christianity terrifying, and the support of groups like CUFI feels disingenuous to the point of making me ill. you want to help out my country so that all my people can go to hell when you and your flock rise up to heaven? umm... thanks? no! fuck you! its a pointless thing.

but i now know how i should have introduced myself when A. and i first met.

"hi! i'm j. my brother toilet papered your pastor's house!"