There's Something...

there's something about standing in front of a cash register and service person, i think, that leaves human beings unable to process simple information in a timely and intelligent manner.

case in point:

i am at my cash register. an asian lady walks in, and no, she does not have an indecipherable accent. i can understand everything she says. its not that kind of a story.

she reached me, and told me she wanted to buy a fifteen dollar gift-card. i directed her to the display of cards in front of me, and told her to pick whichever she liked, and i would put fifteen dollars on it, and she'd be set. oh if only things were that easy...

she picked a card, i put on fifteen dollars of store credit, and that's when she asked for an envelope.

"i'm very sorry ma'am, but we're out of envelopes. we had three kinds just a week or two ago, but we've run out completely."

my manager pops up from below the counter. (she was looking for something, she wasn't hiding there for dramatic effect. oh if only she had been... if only life really were a cabaret...)

"you can put the card in a cup, and then say, 'hey, i got you a drink!' then, they open the cup, and they get a gift-card."

i love my manager. she's a fucking riot. sadly, her suggestion is dismissed by the customer.

i pipe up.

"what we've been doing, is taping shut the bottom of a cup sleeve with a coffee sticker, and slipping the card in there. its really very nice."

no no. this will simply not do either.

"but you don't have any envelopes?"

"no, i'm sorry, but we don't have any envelopes."

this provokes a long and serious sigh. and then, four other permutations of the same exchange.

"you don't have envelopes?"

"no, we don't have envelopes."

"well, do you have anything else i could put the card in?"

you mean like the cup, or the sleeve, or like an envelope?

"no, i'm sorry, we can put the card in a sleeve for you, or a cup, but we don't have anything else."

"when will you have envelopes?"

my manager comes to the rescue.

"not until thursday at least, ma'am."

"but you don't have any now?"

at this point, i really, really want to say: its because you're asian, miss. i'm sorry. if you weren't asian, i'd be able to help you. we have a billion envelopes, actually, but since you're asian, i just can't give you one. sorry.

really, i wanted to say anything just to make her go away. a line is growing behind her, and she keeps asking me, if i have an envelope.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I DON'T, HAVE, AN ENVELOPE! I'M SORRY! DO YOU WANT THE CARD, OR NOT!?

finally, she sinks into a silence punctuated by sighs. she looks at the card in the sleeve, she looks at me, she looks around the store, and she looks at the card.

"no, i think i'll buy the card somewhere else."

like somewhere where they have envelopes, i'll bet... i take the money off the card, and she leaves.

i still somehow do not understand the human animal. why do we do these things? what is wrong with us?

by the way, i've heard that lots of stores are currently out of envelopes for their gift cards. have a good drive, ma'am.