Promises of Things to Come

i am alive.

some of you might have been wondering. i know i've been woefully unactive here in blog-land. its an issue. and part of it is that i'm still digesting a great many things that have happened.

granted, i also know that blogging aids the digestion process, but still... it just all feels like a big sunny swirl in my head, and its pleasant, and i'm not sure how much i want to start picking apart a corpse. i'd rather let the memories remain alive and amorphous in my head right now. i can start telling stories soon. but i'm not ready to yet.

part of me is tired of telling stories.

it really is starting to feel like writing an account of an event, is like taking the living memory, sticking it in a jar of ether, and then dismembering the corpse, examining each part, and then laying them out on the table in as close to a copy of real life as you can manage. but it doesn't all quite fit together anymore. some parts have to be shifted, and isn't it sort of better as a whole to fix that little aspect? this part relates to this part, that thing just distracts, and soon you have frankenfrog.

i had christmas. i went to new mexico. i own a drum. i stood in the plains of death. i hung up the phone on a retarded person (BY ACCIDENT!!!). i drove through mountains. i finally saw juno. i backed into my sister's friend's car, and she's been being a total cunt about it. i watched the sun set on a ghost town.

and i've thought about all these things, lots and lots. and i've thought about other things too.

i've thought about how some people use the terms "independent" and "willing to listen to both sides of the issue" to avoid making an actual moral stand of their own.

i've thought about how too much news can make me unhappy.

i've thought about how stupid so much of life is.

and i don't think any of this thinking makes me "deep" or "wise." i've just been doing it. i don't own a t.v. i have to spend my time doing something...

i have a lot to say. i'll start saying it soon. until then, know that i'm alive, and feeling good.

and yes, it is possible for me to feel good. thank you ever so much for asking.